From Safari to Motherhood: How One Giraffe Found her Purpose in Parenting
Helloooo there my gorgeous, sparkly, precious, wonderful two legged darlings! I hope you are happy, healthy, and prancing around with a spring in your step! My passport is gathering dust out here in the Serengeti National Park as we speak, because this week, I’m being a stay at home mom! Amelia, one of my little calves, is feeling a tad under the weather, poor thing. This isn’t a mother's instinct by the way - I know she’s not well because she’s now gone seven hours without sharing a single post of her doing a silly jungle dance to a Katy Perry song on TikTok…
My original plan was to trot off to Milano to meet up with my good friend Alonso - he designs sustainable fashion accessories to die for, and he’s as camp as a box of diamond encrusted frogs! However, my little Amelia simply has to come first my darlings, even before my LUC8K-funded jet-setting luxury lifestyle and love of totally bespoke fashion! I could have easily zoom called her on my trip, but the way I look at it, nothing beats a good old fashioned mommy snuggle!
I remember when my Amelia was a very small, curious calf. She was staring up at the back of my long neck once whilst I was reading a copy of Cosmo, and she noticed that my fur was lighter than hers. She looked up at me and asked, “Momma, why are some of your hairs white?" So, I replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and stress me out, one of my hairs turns white." Amelia thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, so, how come all of grandma's hairs are white? Did you totally stress her out too?” Hmmmm, yup, I guess we were ALL annoying teenagers at some point weren’t we my darlings? ;)
My own mother was a long-necked and long suffering giraffe to be honest! I was incredibly lucky to be raised by her, she really was a true force of nature. She was the backbone of our family, my heart, soul, snack supplier, fashion guru, emotional support system, and undisputed CEO of absolutely everything! She was a tough cookie, and stamped her authority all over our family - and also two neighbouring, vicious, snarling packs of hyenas who, after being on the receiving end of her hind hooves, knew not to mess with us or her ever again! She could spot danger from a mile away, but she also knew when to make time every once in a while for a tender nuzzle. She taught me that towering above others is a gift, and with it comes the responsibility to look out for others - and she did that for us, our neighbours, friends and everyone she loved. What a wonderful, calm, caring creature she was - well, until that time I borrowed her beloved diamond necklace and lost it - I never knew a giraffe could breathe fire!
The Universal Language of Motherhood: What Connects Us All
My Mom never had an easy ride bringing me up, bless her. If you ask me, you lucky humans have it pretty easy when it comes to giving birth - with your baby showers, spa days, home births in paddling pools with soothing classical music yada yada! You just can’t imagine what my fellow sisters of the animal kingdom have to go through to bring their babies into this crazy world of ours. 9 months? That’s nothing!! My elephant friends are pregnant for 22 months! Can you imagine?! Opossum moms walk around and forage for food with up to 14 babies on their backs. Grocery shopping is stressful enough without 14 whiney toddlers clinging on to your Gucci jacket! And what about my eight ‘legged’ friends? Poor old Octopus moms make the ultimate sacrifice - once they lay their 200,000+ eggs, they guard them 24/7 without eating, texting or watching re-runs of Friends on Netflix - and they eventually die so that the little buggers can all hatch safely! Rather them than me I guess…
Two Legged Legendary Moms
But yes, hoof on heart, you humans are pretty special too, and for every princess that makes headlines by popping out a posh bambino, there are millions of moms doing amazing things every day, and some of them deserve a medal, seriously.
One woman whose story will live on forever is Irena Sendler. During WWII, she rescued over 2,500 Jewish children from the Warsaw Ghetto by smuggling them out and placing them all in safe houses. To keep their identities secret, she wrote their real names on slips of paper and buried them in jars in her friend’s garden to keep them safe in the hope that one day, they could find their way back to their families. In 1943, the Polish social worker was eventually captured by the Gestapo and tortured, but despite the unimaginable suffering she endured, Irena refused to reveal the children’s whereabouts. She was spared execution and never once considered herself a hero. Wow. Just, wow.
I just Googled ‘amazing human moms’ and Deborah Copaken popped up. She’s a badass war photojournalist and single mom, and she managed to juggle raising her three kids whilst running around some of the world’s most dangerous conflict zones with a camera and undergoing multiple surgeries. She also found time to write awe inspiring books, and once described motherhood as ‘the greatest war zone - and also the most peaceful,’ which I totally get and tend to agree with.
All I did for Amelia was postpone an amazing all expenses-paid trip to one of the most exciting, elegant and beautiful fashion capitals of the world (*starts crying, discreetly) but there are moms everywhere, every day, making sacrifices, quietly holding it together every damn day. Working night shifts, holding down two jobs, raising children whilst fighting illness, choosing their kids over luxury, comfort, convenience - over everything.
With all my heart, I salute each and every one of my sisters, no matter how many legs or tentacles they have.
"I’ve learnt quite a lot so far with my own attempt at motherhood. For example, Legos will mostly pass through the digestive tract of a small calf. Duplos will definitely not".
‘Play Dough’ and ‘Christian Louboutins’ should never be used in the same sentence, darlings. Oh, and super glue is forever. I still have my first ever gorgeous LUC8K wallet stuck to a tree, and even Ronda the Rhino can’t get it off. That was also the first time I grounded Amelia.
And just like that, I turned into my Mom
It didn’t happen overnight, but there was a point in time when the truth suddenly dawned on me, and it was too late to do anything about it - to my horror, I realised I’d turned into my mom! You see, I’d always imagined that I’d be a cool mom. Laid back, witty, sassy, and totally down with the kids. Yeah, I can do fist bump emojis. Yeah, I’ve got style. I look good. I know my thing. I’m an independent giraffe and I can shake my booty like Beyonce. But I’ve started to lose control of the words coming out of my mouth, and they are the exact same words my mom used to say to me!
If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? Money doesn’t grow on trees. Because I said so. Do I look like I was born yesterday? And that age-old killer line that cuts to the bone…I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
I guess it’s a biological thing that no mom on earth can escape or avoid, no matter how hard she tries. I’ll deal with it for now, so long as I NEVER say the words ‘don’t forget to wash behind your ears’!
The Sophie Test: Are You Really Ready For Motherhood?
If you’re young, free, and have a vast amount of disposable income to spend on your perfect luxury lifestyle, here’s a simple test to see if you’re ready to throw it all away to have children instead - brought to you by your favourite yummy mommy giraffe!
Okay, are you ready? Start by simply smearing peanut butter all over your sofa, curtains and favourite bespoke, luxury items such as your beloved LUC8K Tote bag. Then place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Purchase a gigantic box of LEGOs and ask your friend to spread them all over your house. Then, put on a blindfold and try to walk barefoot (or hoof) to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night, and you do not want that to happen).
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you on a trip to your local grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for everything they eat or damage. Repeat this two or three times each week until you get asked politely but sternly to never, ever enter the store again.
Here’s a tricky one; obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus (they turn bright red when they are unhappy) and stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all 8 arms stay inside.
If you’re feeling brave, fill a large plastic milk jug halfway with water. Organic is best, or Soya milk if you prefer. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord, then start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (I recommend Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, whilst pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor and pour yourself a large glass of fine wine, even though it’s not even 8AM yet.
Prepare for night time by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand, then soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00PM. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00PM. Set alarm for 5:00PM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years and always look cheerful.
If you own a large beanbag chair, attach it to your belly. Leave it there for 9 months then remove ten of the beans.
Find a couple who already have a small child or calf. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasise to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience my dears. It genuinely will be the last time you will have all the answers ;)
Let’s hear it for Mother Earth
For some, being a mom comes naturally. For others, it takes time, but there is a mother we all know and love, who has looked after us all for billions of years. She is the mother of all mothers.
"She gives without asking, provides us with food, shelter, sea, sky, soil and shade, and she does the best she can no matter how much crap we throw at her".
And you know what? She must be hugely disappointed with some of her offspring. Hyenas (yes, I’m biased, but they are really annoying), Mosquitos, Dung Beatles and Donald Trump to name a few. Dear Lord, if only we could go back in time and convince Donald’s mother to either wear a condom or sell her whiney, clingy, strangely glowing, orange-skinned baby to a travelling circus. Amongst a multitude of dumb things to say and do, ‘the world’s biggest mistake’ once called climate change a “hoax invented by the Chinese.” While Mother Earth has been busy nurturing coral reefs, rainforests, and biodiversity for millennia, Trump has been happily nurturing golf courses, oil lobbyists and destroying over one hundred environmental protection acts during his first presidency. If Mother Earth had a naughty step, Trump would spend most of his adult life superglued to it. “Dear me, this one is a bit defective” she would say before turning him into a slug and making it rain on him every single day of his life.
@fastcommercial, @alafkaiko
Celebrating Mothers: Meaningful Ways to Honor the Most Important Women in Our Lives
With Mother’s Day approaching, let’s do everything we can possibly do to protect Mother Earth, regrow what’s been lost, and re-connect with her in ways that help to heal. I truly believe that
"Every single act of sustainability, every bit of conscious living, is a maternal act, and one that nurtures everyone and everything for generations to come.Let’s celebrate every woman who has devoted most of her life to us with stubborn love and an eternal bag full of snacks and treats. Let’s thank the mothers who love us fiercely, unconditionally, and sometimes with a slightly passive-aggressive text about not calling enough".
Want to know what the perfect gift for Mother’s Day is?
Okay, you’ve left it til the last minute again. For heaven’s sake, don’t give your mom half-dead flowers from a gas station (again), chocolate coated nuts that will ruin her dentures, or a freaky garden ornament that will scare the birds away. DO give her a gift she absolutely deserves!
Click here darlings for a LUC8K gift voucher I guarantee she will absolutely LOVE! Apart from looking after you, she has all the time in the world to choose her favourite colors, design her perfect bag, and have it hand made and delivered, with love, from France! Your mom is The Boss, and with the gift of LUC8K, you will be promoted to CFO (Chief Favourite Offspring) in no time! Aaaaaaand, you’re welcome! Mwah! X
But don’t just send her a gift. Give her a call, or pop over and see her. Give her a massive hug. Give her a Sophie-style nuzzle. In fact, no, that would be weird. The world is a bit weird and absolutely crazy right now. It’s a scary place to be, but can you imagine what life would be like if mothers were in charge? Human or giraffe, Empathy would be policy. Nurturing would be power, and temper tantrums would be handled with snacks, timeouts, and a good, firm voice.
To all the other mums and mums-to-be out there - thank you for the trails you blaze, in killer heels, hooves, or barefoot - keep on doing what you do in style, with elegance, sassiness, grace, and a beautiful smile.
Big Love my Wonderful Darlings,
Sophie & the LUC8K team x